Overcoming Adversity

Overcoming Adversity Begins With...

Defining Adversity It can not be achieved without the understanding of what it is and how it effects you as a person. You see many times what I call an adversity you call a little clinch.

This is where we can begin, by simply understanding what adversity means to you. It could be something personal or imaginative, meaning it could be something that bothers you because you take it serious or your brain is working over time to create a adversity through your imagination.

The nice thing about it is that we all have to confront it in our own way. In other words the universal sense is that it affects everyone of us.

So overcoming adversity is something we all must face and we all must concur if we want to grow. To over come it, understanding what it looks like and how it shows up is important.

This is a story about a blind teenager named Ben, who has gone through adversity and now has the confidence and pride to live a normal life.

According to Paul Stoltz adversity comes in two categories;

1. Inner Adversity: This is where it shows up within us in our physical, mental, emotional, & spiritual states causing hardship.
2. Outer Adversity: Things outside of ourselves that cause dificulty.

In other words overcoming adversity is to encompass hassles, obstacles, difficulties, hardships, misfortunes, setbacks, & challenges, even the things we chose to take on.

How To Determine Adversities Strength

This is where everyone has a different measure of how big a problem is, which makes it difficult overcoming adversity. You can look at it as one person has gone through so much in their life that what shows up now is nothing more than a bother, where it could be close to the end for another.

Like my life, as I grew up I had been struggling with learning and was placed in a new class called SLD (Slow Learners Deficiency). Now for me this was pure hell! For my parents they thought nothing of it!

How could we have two totally different thoughts on the same topic? Simple, for them it was not even a concern as they did not have to live it, or experience it, where me on the other hand not only had to live it, but had to live with the name calling of...Stupid, Retard, You Might As Well Take Drugs, etc...

Two different thoughts to one subject. Have you ever made fun of someone because they had a challenge that you thought was stupid? You may want to go back and look at that again, as it will come back to you someway.

Adversity is relative to how it relates to you. So to measure the importance to you or others is a two step measuring stick. They are:

1. The Impact it causes which could be real or in your mind, and it could be an existing situation or a potential situation in severity.
2. The Importance or how much it matters to you.

To get the answers to these questions is a simple 1 to 10 rating scale. So you ask yourself on a 1 to 10 scale 10 being it bothers you totally, what would you score each of these questions? Next you would ask anyone else that is involved with the situation the same question and see how far off you are from each other.

Scoring discrepancies can and do exist, but if they will assist you in getting to the heart of the matter. Finding out why the scores are so far apart can lead to real resolution and results.

Those that rank high in the scoring are not spoiled, it just means they are in a different level in this situation.

Drama King/Queen

If you're wondering why they do, you'll find the answer so simple it may scare you!

Sometimes people do it for the attention they receive, and others do it for the growth within. You may have heard that old saying...

Those that love to grow put themselves into adversity so that they can grow to another level. It brings them back to life, and they actually are overcoming adversity and meeting one of there 6 basic needs that brings life to them.

The Five Adversity Steps

In this video you will see the other side of the story. Ben is overcoming adversity, and you'll notice it is not that happy go lucky experience that we all see as the end result. In fact many see the end result and forget that no matter who you are you still need to go through the growing pains.

The Adversity steps are:

1. Avoiding
2. Surviving
3. Coping
4. Managing
5. Harnessing

Taking each of them we will discover what it is like being stopped in at that step.

1. Avoiding - Being here is being in denial. It stops you from moving forward and for many they think it buys them time. The benefits we would achieve working through adversity are either slowed way down or stopped completely. The person that sits here is usually haunted by the fear that what they are hiding from will stay forever. Sitting here will cause doubt and self loathing. Why would someone stay here? It's easier for the moment, and benefit comes from preserving an easier more comfortable state. The focus is not on what to do to correct the process they concentrate on what not to do!
2. Surviving - At this level the thought is to still be standing after the smoke clears. This level you do go through it and experience a completion. Your completion at this level is not your best and usually could be better. The other problem is being not at your best you usually lash out at others. Then motto at this level is; "Every day above ground is a good day!"
3. Coping - Better known as getting by. People in this level usually have both constructive and destructive contributions. The Destructive actions are drinking, complaining, blaming, and that all known one up another to make them look bad and you look good. Where the constructive activities are venting, blowing off steam at the gym, taking breaks, going for walks. But the person that is in the coping arena finds ways to cope with the situation.
4. Managing - This is where many people feel they want to strive for. It is where you minimize the down side, working at the adversity in a positive way. Many call it managing the situation with a positive attitude. The problem is that this is only half the battle, as managing hardship requires greatness to keep above it. That greatness requires more greatness everyday, creating an energy drain, due to the work it takes to stay in that greatness.
5. Harnessing - This is the top! Where you use the adversity that you have already worked through to elevate yourself or others or for some tangible gain. The way this would look is that you tell your story about how you went through your adversity and the results of that which caused a great growth.

The key to your success and overcoming adversity is to minimize the time you spend at the lower levels and increasing the time you spend in the harnessing and managing steps at the top.

Your True Starting Point!

For more on Adversity a must read is Paul Stoltz book "Adversity Quotient at Work"

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